there is a disconnect. am i hypothermic or always powder blue? i struggle to pour from myself and am back to feeling fragmentary. a great shadow casts across the earth. God whispers, His breath swirls down my spine. there are errors everywhere. every tremor sends little vibrations into the soft ground. i can enter and leave a space without being noticed.
maybe this is as good as it will ever be. maybe i should be more gracious. maybe i should pray more.
if i slow down, all of my demons will catch up to me. i have to keep moving, keep busy. exist not as a girl but a blur.
the rain is hard against my window. a sort of meteorologic petulance, attention seeking. springtime is for new muses.
last night i dreamt we ate cake together in silence. two silhouettes and lemon buttercream.
